Friday, September 30, 2016

Block 5 Week 10-11: Get used to disappointment

This phrase always cracks me up. I use it ALL the time, especially with my kids. Most people wouldn't know it, but I used to be extremely hardcore about running around and arranging everything so it would be perfect. I would get really bent out of shape if things didn't turn out exactly the way I had planned. I don't know what happened, but somewhere along the way I just decided to do a complete 180 in that department. I really don't get flustered about much at all any more. I think it probably has to do with understanding that life is going to happen, and it's a lot easier to deal with if you just relax and take it as it comes.

It also probably has a lot to do with being married to the HB. The thing about HB is, he's kinda like a wizard when it comes to time...

... except, he usually is late, so he can be rather not like a wizard.

HB has been really good for me (and my blood pressure) though. I look back at birthday parties and holiday meals and things like that and remember me being absolutely bonkers about people coming to my house. And HB would go to get ice and come back 3 hours later with an inflatable bounce house, a case of popsicles, and some guy he found that was riding his bike across the country (and no ice). Every time we have a gathering at our house, he gets the urge to go pick up something from the store, and I remind him that I cannot bear welcoming guests in his absence, and could he please return before they start arriving, and he just waves his hand at me and laughs like I'm making it up. So this is usually me: 

And here's HB:

So somewhere along the way, I just gave in because I would get all stressed out and couldn't even enjoy having a good time with my guests. 

What does this have to do with medical school? I guess what I'm saying is sometimes I see people at school that get all worked up about stuff like exams and studying and whatever drama is going on. It reminds me of the many times in my life when I let all the drama get to me and I acted like a complete dork. 

There's a lot of pressure in school to compare yourself to other people, and to suddenly feel panicked that you aren't doing what everyone else is doing to be successful. So sometimes it feels like maybe I should be a little more -- I don't know -- psycho about my approach to being successful in school. Sometimes when I hear someone talking about an upcoming test, I think about whether I have done a sufficient amount of studying (stressing, worrying, obsessing) in order to do well. But then I remember what it feels like on the inside when you're about to just completely blow up and say a bunch of not-nice things. I don't like feeling like that, so I just have to decide to relax. Honestly, if it's the day before the exam and I really haven't prepared enough, it's way too late anyway, and staying up all night in a panic is not going to yield good results. 

I really do work hard to try to do well, and I like to see that hard work reflected in my grades. But sometimes there are just concepts that do not sink in very well for me, and then that's when I have to just decide to get used to disappointment. But that's the thing about chilling out. Eventually, you don't really feel disappointed, you just feel grateful.

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